How to Deal with Anger and Frustration
This morning, I felt like I wanted to lose my shit on someone. I didn’t just feel like I wanted to. I really wanted to. This anger had been building up and I hadn’t noticed. I’d get the feeling for a moment, and then it would go. I wasn’t paying attention.
To really show you how frustrated I was I have to give you the back story.
This all started when my passenger side car door lock stopped working. It would randomly not lock. Or it would stay stuck in the locked position and not unlock. It wasn’t a huge deal but every time I’d have to reach over to open the door I would be annoyed. (spoiler – these are the tiny things we need to use to clear our emotions and be truly happy!). I’d forget about the door and then it would happen again. The irritation came back up.
Finally, in February, I called to schedule an appointment at the Ford dealership to look at my door. My appointment was set for the beginning of March. Each time I’d have to reach over and open that door, the irritation would come up, but I didn’t use it because I would remind myself that I was getting it fixed (focused on the positive).
I received a call a few days before my appointment saying we’d need to reschedule for the end of the month. I wasn’t happy but I knew with COVID everyone was very understaffed so I was trying to be accommodating and patient. I told her it was no problem.
On my appointment day, I show up only to be told I was rescheduled again. This time no one had called me. I was angry. But I held it together and asked when the new appointment was. I left and felt the anger building. In my head, I was saying things like, “No one cares. They think it’s just a stupid door lock. It’s not important to them. I’m not important to them. I’m never taken care of. I don’t matter.”
When I felt the anger rise, I used the Rapid Relief Technique™ to clear it but never really went into it like I usually do. For some reason, I wasn’t fully diving in. One of the issues with them fixing my car is I needed a loaner car. I couldn’t be without a car all day. And they had no loaners. So they kept rescheduling me until they could get one in.
Finally, in April, the lady called me and said let’s just make an appointment so you can come in and we can see what parts we need to order. That way we can schedule you for repair after the parts come in and it will be quick. I said that was perfect.
I brought my car in and they ordered the parts. I was even excited that she said the car was still under warranty and I’d only have to pay thee $100 deductible. I was told she’d call me when the parts came in to schedule my appointment.
I waited and waited. I never received a call. Finally, I called her back in early May asking if the parts had come in. They had but they couldn’t schedule me yet. I waited some more. No one called. I ended up calling them back last week (June 20th) and was finally scheduled.
Navigating Emotions With Rapid Relief Technique ™
This brings us to this morning. Keep in mind, I hadn’t fully been using the Rapid Relief Technique™ that I KNOW works. I KNOW I need to use it every time things pop up because if I use it for the little things, they don’t turn into bigger things. I know this. But for whatever reason, in this situation, I never fully dove in and I allowed the emotions to compound.
So, this morning I dropped off my car and then went to breakfast with my dad. As we are walking in my phone rang but when I answered no one was there. They called back and again no one was there. I received a text.
The lady from Ford texted me to let me know that my car was out of warranty because of the mileage and I would owe $162 for diagnostics plus whatever the repairs cost. The emotions began flooding out. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to rage out on her. I wrote her back indignantly. I felt justified in my rage. This was ridiculous. I texted her to let her know how upset I was. That I’d been trying to get this fixed for months but they weren’t able to schedule me. I told her I felt they needed to honor my warranty.
As we went back and forth via text I got madder and madder. She was digging in saying she’d made a mistake it was actually out of warranty when I’d come in the first time. She said I needed a loaner and that’s why they couldn’t schedule me so it’s really not on them. She said she talked to the head of finance and he agreed. There’s nothing they can do.
I looked at my dad across the table and excused myself to the bathroom. I needed to use the Rapid Relief Technique™ (learn RRT for free right here). I knew the emotions were there and I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I knew I’d been pushing them down and if I didn’t deal with them and process them, I would explode on someone.
I also knew from doing this work that there were really two ways this could play out. The first option was to not get my emotions out. To go back up to the shop and cry with anger and frustration and tell them how unfair this is. I could go up there and spew all of my anger on them and it would get me nowhere. In fact, it would probably just escalate the situation. I would leave unhappy and even more upset.
The second option is the one I went with. I stayed in that bathroom and used everything I knew from the Rapid Relief Technique™.
I said all of the things I wanted to say to them. I tapped on “No one supports me. These people are idiots. All they care about is money. This means nothing to them. I mean nothing to them. Why is life so frustrating? Why can’t this be easy? Why can’t I just get what I want. I hate this. This is stupid. This is so inconvenient. They are assholes. People are just assholes.”
I kept going. I said it all. I felt it all.
I didn’t just ‘accept’ that this is how people are. I didn’t make excuses. I didn’t logically process what was happening to me. I didn’t use the power of positive thinking. I didn’t use all the ‘traditional’ techniques that the experts tell us we ‘should’ use to manage our emotions (that honestly makes things worse in the long run).I released them. Truly.
I left the bathroom feeling so much better. I texted the lady at Ford back and asked who I could speak to about this. I made an appointment with the Head of Operations for after breakfast. As I left the restaurant and was on my way to the meeting, I could feel the emotion had left. I felt peaceful. I anchored into what I know to be true, “I am always fully supported and loved.” I said it over and over again as I imagined my meeting and how I wanted it to go.
My meeting was short. I went in and explained my frustration without emotion. I told him everything that had happened and why I was upset. He apologized for the miscommunication and said that they would honor my warranty. I told him how much I appreciated it. This meeting could have gone so much differently if I was holding onto those old emotions. Simply ignoring them does not solve the problem.
As I type this, I’m sitting in my bed drinking coffee while my car is at the shop getting fixed.
This morning could’ve derailed me. I’m already in the midst of so much happening right now.
But what it did was remind me to use the small things. It reminded me of my power. It reminded me how truly unstoppable we are if we pay attention to our emotions, process them, and anchor into what we want to experience in this life.
I could’ve easily reacted out of anger and frustration as so many people do.
I would’ve felt justified in doing so because I felt hurt, abused, ignored, and taken advantage of.
So often, we use these justifications as an excuse to take our wrath and our emotions out on another person. But if we would use the emotions coming up, we can see the situation more clearly. The solution will come to us.
We are so much more powerful than we realize. This morning was a great reminder of that.
Situations like this don’t often happen in my life because I use what happens and the emotions that come up. For whatever reason, I didn’t in this particular situation but I know it was meant to happen that way.
That there was a lesson I needed to learn. Maybe it was simply so I could share this story with you as an example of the power of this work.
Because this work truly is magic.
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