Feeling the Emotions

How to Deal with Anger After Divorce

I didn’t hear a clink as my wedding ring dropped in the collection plate. I’d wrapped it in a note saying something to the effect of “I hope you can use this in some way for good. Sell it or give it to someone who doesn’t have a ring.”

My marriage was over.

I found out my first husband was cheating on me when I saw a picture his girlfriend posted on MySpace of them kissing. It was date stamped. He told me, “I don’t know what to do. I love two people.” So, I made it easy for him. And I ended it.

I was 24.

After I first found out, I had a panic attack. I didn’t know it until I went to the Emergency Med because I thought I was having a heart attack. I had so many emotions flowing through me. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I didn’t want to feel like this.

Going through the divorce process left me navigating waves of emotions. I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I had a file in my email with communications between him and his girlfriend.

She’d felt bad and told me she thought we were getting a divorce because that’s what he’d told her. So, she sent me copies of the messages on AIM and emails. Whenever I felt myself getting sad, I would go through that folder and get mad.

I’d go back to that folder. Again, and again.

I remember being at work and feeling the sadness coming on. So, I’d pull up my email. And I wouldn’t feel sad anymore. I was angry. I was enraged. And I felt my anger was justified and normal.

Now I know why I kept doing that. It’s something I explored for years in traditional talk therapy (which I have since quit) — along with several other modalities that never seemed to work for me.

Now, I know that anger makes us feel more powerful than sadness. Anger is saddnesses gatekeeper. It’s one of the things I learned going through the Rapid Relief Technique™ Certification program. As soon as I heard that it made so much sense.

Feeling sad made me feel weak. I didn’t want to feel sad. I wanted to feel angry.

I wanted him to pay for what he did to me. I wanted justice.

I’ve learned so much about my emotions since that experience. I no longer shy away from them. I use the Rapid Relief Technique™ to clear everything that triggers an emotion in me. I use the smallest, tiniest things like when a guy cuts me off in traffic or someone leaves a dish in the sink.

I’ve always been taught to ignore those things. Ignore the little things and think positive. But all that got me is a body full of emotions I didn’t know how to handle. Because now I know the emotions don’t go anywhere. You can try not to feel them but they are still in you.

That experience could’ve left me bitter towards men. And it did for a while. Aside from a few brief dates, I didn’t really date anyone until 6 years later. I didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t trust people. Plus, I had a young daughter and didn’t want her to get hurt either.

Feeling Our Emotions

What I’ve learned since finding the Hey U Human CommUnity and the Rapid Relief Technique™ is that actually FEELING the emotion changes everything (read more about RRT). It’s never as scary as we think it is. In fact, once I’ve let the feelings wash over me, the sense of peace that comes after is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. I feel a sense of freedom I’ve never felt before. I also feel happier than ever before. I still have my days. But I allow myself to really feel the sadness or fear or whatever it is, use Rapid Relief Technique™ to process it, and it moves through me so much quicker. I feel a lightness. And I’m able to move through this world and feel better than ever before even through a pandemic, war, gun violence, politics, etc.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy. It doesn’t feel normal to feel this good while others don’t. But I know it’s available to everyone. I’m not special. I’ve found the thing that works when nothing else did for me, and believe me, I’ve tried it all.

I’m ready for the world to know about this work and this community. Because I truly believe we are creating a different world over here. A place where humans are becoming the best version of themselves while at the same time loving the “worst” version of themselves so deeply they become unstoppable.

I found myself again in the Hey U Human CommUnity.
And it’s been the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had.