Peacefully Parenting Teens

When we think of the teenage years we might think of stress and hormones. Drama, fighting, drinking, sex, drugs, standardized tests, and a host of other things that cause our anxiety as parents to go through the roof. I know I was personally terrified of the teenage years. I was obviously a teenager. And my teenage years consisted of all the above and more. And by more, I mean: running away, bad friends, a restraining order on an ex-boyfriend, sneaking out (and so many other things my parents still don’t know about).

So when I had a daughter, the only thing I heard over and over again is “our children are often ten times worse than we are.” That’s what people always told me. And if that was true, I didn’t know how I would be able to handle it.

I now know differently. I now know that the teenage years can actually be beautiful and yes, even peaceful. The teachings in the Hey U Human Membership and the Rapid Relief Technique™ specifically, have shown me a different way to parent; a connected way. I am a different human now that I’ve done the emotional work and am able to support my teenager the way needs it during this transitional period of her life.

Problems with teenagers often come because of a struggle for power. As parents, try to exert control because we feel at a loss for control as these young people are coming into their own and making their own decisions. We constantly question ourselves.

Have I done enough?
Have I taught her enough?
Did I do a good job and raise a responsible human who will make good choices?

Another reason we struggle with control is because the stakes are so much higher. When our children make mistakes in their younger years, well they may get a scraped knee, hurt a friend, fail a test. But the truth is their mistakes aren’t often catastrophic.

As a teenager, they are often on their own. They go out with friends. They go to parties without you. They are exposed to issues like drugs, sex, drinking, suicide…and so much more than we could probably fathom. The cold reality is that their choices could have devastating consequences. So obviously there is a REASON to stress. Their choices could mean the difference between life and death. That pressure can feel overwhelming to us because it’s truly out of our control. We’ve done our best to teach them, love them, and nurture them. But before we are ready, they are now making a lot of decisions on their own. And the core emotion that dictates lots of us is FEAR.

Before I found Hey U Human, I would probably be described as a helicopter mom. I was scared to death something would happen to my daughter. I needed to meet every parent before she had a play date. I didn’t want her going off on her own even if we were just in the supermarket. My anxiety was through the roof.

I also was incredibly uncomfortable talking about important issues such as sex. I remember buying a book to help and I skipped over the parts I didn’t want to cover while I tried not to uncomfortably giggle (yep I know! So helpful!).

I share this so you know where I started. And really illustrated how far I have come. It’s more than just me changing. It’s about how our relationship has changed.

My daughter is now 17. We have had some of the most incredible conversations about sex, drugs, drinking, and the choices she’s facing currently, has faced, or will face. She comes to me to seek out my advice. Believe it or not, she respects what I say. Although she doesn’t always follow it, she thinks critically and always takes it into consideration and makes her own decision. Never in 1,000,000 years did I think that THIS is the relationship I would have with my teenage daughter.

A lot of teenagers don’t share with their parents because they are worried about their reactions. Since I’ve released my emotions, I am able to come to these discussions completely calm and rationally. She isn’t afraid of my reaction and therefor she isn’t afraid to talk to me about these important issues.

She can make her own decisions that are independent of mine. While their may be fear, I have a trust in her because we have the space to build it.

Our relationship changed because I changed. Although I still have moments of anxiety (because I’m human) they last for a moment. I also still have moments where I might lose my cool but again those moments are few and far between. When that happens, I know to come back after, apologize for my reaction, and have a conversation with her after I’ve worked through those emotions.

Parenting a teenager, or a child at any age, doesn’t have to be scary. It can be full of a lot of excitement and connection. It can be a beautiful experience where you both grow and evolve together. As you do your emotional work and heal, so do they. In fact, I see her growing and evolving so much faster because I’m not dumping my wounding onto her.

I wouldn’t have this relationship with my daughter had I not learned to use the Rapid Relief Technique™ and implemented the teachings I learned from Hey U Human. This work is not only healing individuals. It’s healing generations.

The family unit should be one of love, respect, compassion, and a place where you can heal and evolve together. It should be a safe space where every individual feels seen, heard, and valued. We can create that space. I’m hopeful that as this work spreads, the more and more families are impacted, we will start to see a positive impact in every area of our lives.

Because this is life changing work.