Wouldn’t it be great if parenting came with a human manual?
Kind of like getting a plant.
It comes with a tag stating what you need to do to keep it alive, watch it grow, and stay healthy and happy.
As a parent, it’s easy to feel like you are totally winging it. At times, it can feel like you are scabbing pieces together here and there. Trying to take bits and parts to make a tiny human whole.
And if we are being totally honest with ourselves, we don’t even know if we are taking good bits and pieces… or if we are desperately grabbing the pieces that we know need to end up in the garbage (and not be a part of the next generation).
But in our effort to try to eliminate parenting problems, we end up bringing our own ‘crap’ into the parenting experience accidentally.
We are all caught up in what we SHOULD do, who we SHOULD be as a parent, that we forgot that it’s not as hard as society makes it out to be.
I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to think that it SHOULD be natural for you and now you are lacking something.
Because that’s not the case either.
So, let’s go back to basics with Parenting 101 and talk about the easiest ways to eliminate parenting problems (regardless of your child’s age).
Parenting 101 tip #1- Don’t forget the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated
As a parent, it’s easy to get caught up in the fallacy that you are the expert, that you know what’s best, and that you know ALL THINGS. Don’t forget, you are also just a human going through life one day at a time.
You will make mistakes, but they aren’t your failures.
You will have moments you wish you could take back, but they can easily be the grandest moments to grow from.
You will have times when you just don’t know what to do, and that doesn’t mean that you are useless in your child’s eyes.
Don’t forget to go back to basics and ask yourself what the 5, 8, 12, 15, etc. year old version of you needed when you were that age.
This isn’t about material items. It isn’t about having the right tools (although of course, implementing RRT in your life will DEFINITELY make your life easier). This isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about the energy you hold and how you support your children.
And we don’t mean your logical energy.
We mean the emotions, feelings, and thoughts that are bubbling beneath the surface.
It means that when your child needs you, and you want to scream, you don’t suppress that rage and just put a nice smile on your face.
That annoyed and frustrated energy lives in you even when you try to breathe through it. And no one can feel that better than a child in need.
So really ask yourself, what would you want your parents to say to you? What do you wish they would’ve said? How would you have wanted them to be?
And if you don’t know, one of our favorite questions is: “What can I do to make you feel the most safe and supported?” or “What do I do that makes your heart feel so happy?” or “Is there something I can do differently so you feel better?”
Those might feel like big questions, but after working with thousands of kids and parents, we know that kids are more aware of these things than we give them credit for. It might take a couple of times to get an answer but it’s important that they start thinking about these things so they don’t feel lost in their emotional needs.
And even more important, give YOURSELF the things that you needed back then. Ask yourself that question and become aware of what you are missing that would help you feel safe, make your heart happy, and help you feel good. This sounds very simple in theory, but for many of us adults, we lose sight of how simple it can be (cough cough, that’s where RRT is amazing for silencing your monkey mind and getting to the core of the emotion).
Parenting 101 Tip #2: Understand what (true) unconditional love is
Here’s a hard fact. Most of us were not loved unconditionally. The best of us were told we were loved no matter what, but when we made a mistake, the parental disappointment came in – hard core.
Maybe verbally – I am so disappointed in you.
Maybe even worse, as emotional warfare – eye roll, grounding, silent treatment, the martyr parent
Most of us were given approval as long as we behaved a certain way.
Approval for thriving in sports, getting certain grades, being involved in school, how our body looked, how we talked, the friends we had, or just how we existed…
Most adults had expectations of us and if we met them, we received love, approval, validation and value. Any deviation from that created disappointment.
And you may not be aware of this, but you carry that resentment and judgment with you into your parenting experience.
And even those who SWEAR they will “never be like their mother (or father),” you can’t outrun core wounding.
To truly give love and acceptance unconditionally, you need to heal your lack of love and support.
Now, that can feel really deep and scary. But don’t worry, though using RRT you can actually identify and heal this rather quickly and without investing millions of dollars into therapy and counseling.
Parenting 101 Tip #3: It’s not about pretending, it’s about being authentic
When it comes to parenting, there is nothing more stressful out there. Not only the basic decisions you make, but how you show up, how you empower your kids, and all the SHOULDS that make our monkey mind run wild. With social media, mom-blogs, Pinterest and YouTube, it’s so easy to see how everyone else is doing things and get distracted from THE MOST IMPORTANT thing.What do YOU desire?
It’s hard to believe that doing what feels good to YOU can eliminate parenting problems. It seems so counterintuitive. But the reality is that in order for your kids to connect with you, they need to know you. And there is no possible way for them to know you if you don’t know yourself.
Being authentically you drops a lot of the stress, anxiety, and mental exhaustion that comes from parenting.
I know this can sound a little fluffy – but think of the example it can set in your home if you can say F IT to things that don’t serve you. Think of how your kids can grow, expand, and feel empowered from watching you be that person unapologetically.
And honestly, it takes a ton of the pressure off. If you can stop pretending to have it all together — and let your kids know you are a human too — it removes the need to ‘have all the answers’ when it comes to parenting. Your children will mess up. And leading by example, and showing the imperfection in being human, you create a safe space for them to make mistakes. This is one of the best ways to make them feel connected, safe, and comfortable coming to you for help.
And when this scares the absolute SHIT out of you, use RRT to start removing those fears, judgments, resentments, and frustrations from your life.
This will start happening easily!
Parenting 101 Tip #4: There is actually a human manual!
Ok, we will keep this simple.
Guess what – there is actually a human manual. It has been living inside of you all the time.
(hold the eye roll and keep reading)
We know human life can get cluttered. There’s probably a bunch of junk PILED on top of that human manual inside of you. You know, like inner child wounding and hurt… or maybe just some dirty laundry you need to put away, maybe some homework that still isn’t done, or probably some dishes or yard work that keeps falling behind.
But don’t worry human! All is not lost. You can get to that manual inside of you quickly. You just need to reflect on steps 1-3 first…..
We are going to send you some help to get to the bottom of that junk pile and make parenting FUN again!
Join the Hey U Human CommUnity for free! Connect, learn and become a part of something truly different in the world.
Learn Rapid Relief Technique™ for free and start breaking this process down inside your own life.
Book a 1:1 session with a Certified Human Developer and see how quickly you can see results with this method.
Or the best possible step, join the Hey U Human Membership (only $97/month) and start proactively healing yourself from the inside out. Get off the mental health hampster wheel and find emotional freedom for once and for all!
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